


Seven

by winedrunklover



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 12:52:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4392644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winedrunklover/pseuds/winedrunklover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years after Dan decided to break up and move away he comes back to Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seven

**Author's Note:**

> Just cross posting this old fanfic I had on fanfiction.net

Phil's POV

It's been seven years since that day. Seven years since he told me he'd had enough and walked out our door. Seven years since I had my heart shattered.

I still remember everything about that day. How it started like any other day. To be honest I didn't know something was wrong until he said he was leaving. He seemed to me to be lighter, just a little bit happier if anything. I didn't realize that it was because he'd figured out what was holding him back, keeping him from growing, changing. It was me. I was the problem, the one casting shadows he couldn't escape.

Did I mean to? Did I mean to keep him from flying? No. I just wanted... I just wanted him with me, by my side. I loved him and in the end it was my love that was crushing him. By loving him so much, I ended up being the one that tied him to the ground.

So on that day, when he told me he needed to leave, needed to be free, to breathe, I didn't say a word to make him stay. I should've, I kind of regret that I didn't. I should've begged him not to leave me, but I didn't. I stayed quiet until the front door had shut and his footsteps faded away.

It was then, when I could no longer hear him, that it hit me he was gone. At that moment I cried. I screamed. I cried and screamed and begged God that he would come back, that he'd say he'd made a mistake. That he truly belonged with me. I screamed and I cried and my voice grew hoarse.

After hours of the worst pain imaginable, a broken heart, my mind shut down. I didn't cry anymore. I just sat there, clutching the pillow that still held his sent. I stopped feeling, grew numb. Over the course of a few months I somehow, impossibly created a new routine in my life this time without him. My soulmate, my best friend was gone, had left me but I had accepted that. What else could I do? He had left me to grow, so I chose to grow as well. I had started making YouTube videos again. My life was manageable.

Over the course of these last seven years I've heard bits and pieces about him from our few mutual friends. I heard he went back to university. This time he stayed, graduated. I was so proud of him. He still makes the occasional video and I can't help but watch every one. My heart breaks a little when I do and yet just seeing him, even through a screen brings a smile to my face.

It's been seven years since I last saw him. I can't tell you that I'm happy. I'm not. I can tell you I'm okay on a good day and numb on a bad day. Don't expect me to be happy. Don't expect me to move on. My everything left me seven years ago, and I'm still here. Right where he left me, waiting for him to come back to me even if it takes forever. I've already waited seven years. I can wait forever if he makes me. I can wait.

 

Dan's POV

Seven years. That's how long it's been. Seven years since I made the decision to leave him. To strike out on my own. It wasn't a spur of the moment decision. I'd thought about it for weeks before I left. I knew he could get on without me. He'd lived without me for far longer than he'd lived with me. It was time to see how I would fare without him. It wasn't easy and there are times that I wish I hadn't left. But in the end it was the best thing I could have done.

I've changed so much. I think I've finally figured out myself. I'm so happy now. I'm free and doing exactly what I want.

Seven years. Sometimes I can't believe so much time has past. Other times it feels like it passed in the blink of an eye. I have a job now. A real one. One I'm pretty good at. It's a very stable job. I even have a dog. I went back to university, finally able to complete it. I realize now that he was the reason I couldn't last time.

I used to spend as much time as possible with him. I wanted to do nothing else than be next to him in his life. It took me so long to realize that wasn't good for me. No matter how much I loved him.

Still ever since I left, I've had this ache in my heart. It's like somebody just tore a big chunk out of my heart that nothing can fill. I know it's where he should be. I won't deny that.

This time away from him has been wonderful, yet terrible. No matter how happy I am, the devil on my shoulder tells me it's a false happiness. That I can never be happy without my soulmate, my best friend, without Phil.

You know when I first left and for a long time after that I still watched his videos. Just to make sure he was doing okay. I had to stop watching his videos. He appeared no different in them. Like my being gone hadn't affected him at all. He isn't a good actor. Wasn't that what everyone said? So it couldn't have been acting.

I admit that it hurt, seeing him so unaffected. It made me feel like maybe I wasn't that much to him in the first place. How could he not change, even a little, after my leaving?

It wasn't until a friend called that I knew that when people said he wasn't a good actor they lied. Our friend called me because they worried about him. He used to be a very sociable person, but they said now he rarely left my old flat. They said that on the rare occasions they could get him out that he hardly ate anything, that though he smiled it never reached his eyes.

I regret now, not listening to them. I started to doubt his facade in his videos, but I didn't do anything. After awhile I quit watching them. I couldn't stand seeing him only through a screen anymore. It was better to not see him at all.

I began my new life, ignoring the ache in my chest, the constant feeling that I was missing something important. I was finally, finally being me. Being the person I knew I could be. Strong. Independent.

Now that I've figured out just about everything in my life, it's time. It's time to fill the hole in my chest. I'm going to see him. I need to. I have to know, is he the one I need or does that hole need a new person? My soul already knows the answer, it's time to see if the rest of me comes up with the same answer.

It's been seven years since I walked out that door. It's high time I walked back in.

 

Phil's POV 2

It's been seven years since he left me. It's been seven years of no contact, not a word spoken. Yet today after all that time he's here, on my doorstep.

He smiles at me. I shut down. I can't breathe. He's back. How is this possible? I stumble back, let him in. Oh would you believe it? He's there talking. What is he saying? Shit! Shit! I need to calm down. If I act weird, he might leave. Oh! He's so beautiful. I try to say something, anything but I haven't breathed since I opened my door to him. The earth tilts...

He caught me before I hit the floor. He's calling my name. I don't answer. I don't move. His arms around me are the best thing in the world. He's lifted me up. When did he get so strong? He could've never picked me up before.

He's laying me on the couch, still calling my name. No! I don't want his arms to leave me just yet. I get the strength to wrap my arms around him. I never want to let him go. I hold him to me. He feels so good. I feel so good.

He pulls away. He has an odd look on his face. Oh God did I misinterpret his reasons for being back? I can't think. I just need to hold him. I feel so incomplete without him. He probably hates me now. He didn't come back to stay. I stop breathing again.

What? His lips are moving, but I can't hear him. The roaring in my ears is too loud. He's shaking his head. He's getting up. He's walking away. I can't take him leaving again. I try to get up. To run after him. My legs tremble too much. I fall, hitting the floor hard. Tears start to form. How could he tease me like that? He can't just come back and leave again. I begin to sob curling in on myself. I still can't hear anything.

I feel a hand touch me. I look up. He's back. He didn't leave? He shows me a glass of water. He puts the glass up to my lips and I drink. He asks if that's better. I clear my throat and say his name.

He looks at me with concern in his eyes. I don't understand the look. He should be disgusted with my behavior. I've been acting like an overdramatic girl.

His hand lifts a tear from my cheek. Why is he being kind? He kisses the tear. I'm confused by his actions. He smiles sadly at me. My eyes widen and suddenly I don't care about anything.

I tackle him and pin him to the floor. I grab his hands, hold them above his head. I ask him why. Why did he leave me for so long? I start to cry again and I bury my face in his shoulder saying over and over again that I love him. That I need him. That he should never leave me again.

He tugs his hands out of my grip. He wraps his arms around me, shushing me. He strokes my hair and I cry harder. I've missed him so much. Seven years he's denied me the other half to my soul. Seven years he's left me struggling to live once again without him.

I tell him this. I look up needing to see his face as I pour my heart out to him. Does he even care that he left me broken? I don't give him a chance to answer. I crush my lips to his. I kiss him passionately, every broken feeling, every hurt, I pour into that kiss.

I feel him respond to my kiss. I taste regret and something else. Something I can't identify. I don't care at the moment. There will be time to talk later. Now I just need to feel him under me.

Desperately I rip his clothes off. I feel him ripping mine off too. I run my hands along his body. I can't keep my hands off him. I stroke everywhere, taking in the feel of him. Feeling the changes that time's had on him. I need in him. I shove my fingers in front of his mouth. He knows what to do. He sucks them, making me even more desperate. I whip then out of his mouth and move down. As I prepare him, I'm greeted with a pleasant tightness. He hasn't been with a man in a long time. A spark of pleasure runs down my spine as I imagine that I am the only man to touch him. He moans, and I deem him stretched enough. I kiss him as I slowly sink into him. He's so tight, and I've been waiting for this moment for years. It takes a great deal of restraint not to pound into him hard. Once fully seated in him I pause, give him a moment to adjust. He's panting, I can hear him telling me to move already. I smirk and give into his pleads. I begin thrusting into him, varying from quick and hard to slow and languid thrusts.

I make love to him everywhere. The floor, the couch, the table, somehow ending up in bed. He lays panting against me, exhausted. I fall asleep with him wrapped up in my arms, knowing he'll be there in the morning. I feel happy for the first time in a long time.

It's been seven years since he walked out that door and he's finally back.

 

Dan's POV 2

It's been seven years since I made the decision to leave. Seven years since I'd been here last. I'm back now. I hope for good.

When he opens the door, I smile. He looks good. I hope he'll take me back. He steps back, silently letting me in. I start talking, nervous chatter really. How is he standing there so calm?

Suddenly, he starts falling. I rush to catch him. Why did he fall? He looked fine a second ago. I say his name. He doesn't respond. I call for him again. I'm getting worried now. Why isn't he responding? I pick him up. He's so light. Almost frighteningly so. They said he'd been eating less when I first left. Did he never get his rather rambunctious appetite back?

I carry him to the couch. I lean down, trying to be careful as I set him down. I'm startled when I feel him cling to me.

I'm worried about him. This behavior is so different from what I remember. I ask him if he's okay, if he needs something. He doesn't answer me. He just keeps staring at me, like he's afraid I'll disappear if he looks away.

I shake my head. I go into the kitchen, to get him some water. I think that will help him. I stand at the sink for a moment, shaking. Did I make the right decision? Coming back...

It feels right, being with him.

I hear a thump from the other room. I rush back. He's fallen again. Oh God are those tears? I quickly reach his side. I set my hand on his shoulder and when he looks at me I offer him the water. He drinks and I ask if he's okay now. When he says my name I have to swallow the lump in my throat.

He's still crying. I hate to see him cry, so I catch a tear, kiss it and smile at him. I see his eyes widen, then suddenly I'm pinned beneath him.

He catches my hands in his. I think he thinks I'll run again. He's asking me why I left. I don't get a chance to answer. My heart breaks as he tells me he loves me through his tears.

I pull my hands out of his grip and wrap my arms around him. I shush him, tell him everything is alright now. I run my hand through his hair, stroke his back. I didn't know that my leaving had affected him so. Where I was relatively happy gone, his behavior has shown me that I made the biggest mistake of my life leaving him.

He's asking me something again and again he doesn't let me answer. He's kissing me. He's kissing me with all the pent up emotion he has. I can taste his desperation in the kiss. I try to match him, to tell him without words that I'm back and I regret leaving.

The kiss escalates, and we're tearing each others clothes off. He can't keep his hands off me. I need him to continue. To continue touching everywhere. My body has been starving for his. He presses his fingers against my mouth. I obediently open my mouth and suck on them, making sure to get them covered. He removes his fingers and moves down my body. As he preps me, I can't help but think of how much I've missed this. I haven't been with anybody else in the seven years I've been gone. He adds in the third finger, and I let out a small moan. He takes this for what it is, that I'm ready. He presses against my entrance and kisses me as he slowly sinks in. He gives me a moment to adjust then starts. Slow and easy thrusts at first. Fast and hard when he loses control.

He takes me everywhere. I swear we hit every available surface before finally ending up in bed. He curls around me and the hole in my heart is gone. This is where I belong. I fall asleep thinking to myself that I'll never leave again.

It's been seven years since I left, and I'm finally home.


End file.
